Dear Diary

I'm just here when I'm feeling down I think.
There's really no heart-to-heart talk between family,we just got fight-to-fight talk in the end.

That's why we need friend so much,as friend same age,same topic,same thought with you as compared to family.

I think my sis knew this,so when she is down,she never tell her things to us too.

Because we couldn't understand her well as much as her friend do.

Doesn't mean caring and love is less given in family,because friend is the one who can really stand at your side try to feel and to think what problems that come over you.

And give a method or some suggestion that really helpful for you to solve your problems.

Last night,my sis and I were in da living room.She is talking phone with her sweetie while I'm doing nothing beside.

Well...quite envy her sometimes...

She got homegirls that can stay up with her that I wanted for such a long time.

Even she get abandoned by those hi-bye friend (roommate?) ,she still have best friends that knew for years beside her pass through those hard times.That kind of true friendship wouldn't make distance a reason to tear them apart.

What about me?

I met friend problems too..

But I have no one else that I can really rely on.

Playing hide and seek with my feelings and thought,couldn't tell anyone what pains,scars or wound that some bitches leave for me.

Once upon a time.... I try to tell everything to my parents,but they keep telling me they are very pro in settle things especially problems in relationship or scolded me badly for days why I'm so naive and stupid instead of giving me some useful suggestion,method that can really helping me solve my problems.

They never try to stand at your side think what problems you face or feel what would them feel if the ever same fxxking things happen on them.

Same thing happened again in this noon.

My mom never understand that why I talking to her like that (rude) when everytimes she ask me what's going on and continuously say something that I very dislike.

Like everything is my fault or anyone else's fault,keep blaming within a pointless reason.

Can scolded me for being naive and stupid continuously for days sometimes.

Keep calling me to fight back,don't lose them,be a pro like how your parents are.

I never take all that as 'courage from family'.Because it make things even more complicated and worse.

And you must admit that you afraid of your family spread out your things to others.

I knew they love me and for sure I love them too.But family is really not a supportive partner that can help you much in your life especially be a good listener.

I'm so hope that my family can acts like friends sometimes.

Staying under one roof means share everything together,but we choose to hide our things from each other instead of telling problems we met to family.

So far from now,I really hope mom could read this passage.

Maybe she can understand what is needed for us afterwards.

But I had locked this blog as I don't want anyone know that I'm such negative-minded girl.

I just will come to here when I'm feeling low because blog had become the best listener that I chose for life.

And what if others misunderstand who I really am after saw those passage I wrote out.

They sure will think I'm negative NEGATIVE NEGATIVE ...

I'm actually a very insane people that you would never imagine what crazy things I will do on next.

I locked up my blog except this and it's because I feel safe and comfortable too.

Ended here.

SAD HOLIDAY